Friday, February 05, 2010

Winning Pitch

Am still ugh.  But today is desk clearing day.  I will feel ever so much better if I feel like I've actually accomplished something.  That's not to say I'm above more Bamber if the day warrants. 

But I asked Soraya if it was okay and she said yes, so I am going to post her pitch.  I'm leaving off the personal parts she added but there was a short line of greeting at the top and a brief, friendly thanks at the bottom.  I also want you to bear in mind that I DID have comments about this pitch.  But there was enough there that made me request the chapter, and it was the chapter that blew me away.  So really this is the goal of the pitch - give the person on the receiving end the goods so that they want to look at the REAL deal - the story.

Please find my pitch below for Soldier on Her Doorstep, a 54,000-word manuscript aimed at Harlequin Romance/Silhouette Special Edition.



Alex Dane has just returned from active duty in Iraq. His friend and fellow comrade died in his arms, and he has travelled to Alaska to fulfill a promise he made to his dying friend - to pass on a message and personal items to the man's wife. However the grieving, pregnant widow he was expecting takes him by surprise. What he finds is a woman who is definitely not pregnant, and a little girl who has lost her voice through grieving for her Dad.


Lisa Kennedy can't believe it when a soldier turns up on her doorstep. Alex brings a smile to her face that she's certainly not expecting, and helps her daughter in ways she could never have imagined possible. But this soldier has come home troubled, guilty that it was not he who died over there. Can Alex work through his emotional issues, and can Lisa fight the "widow" tag and brave small town life with another man so soon after her husband's death?

You know what hooked me?  The little girl who has lost her voice from grief.  That is emotional fireworks.  That has the potential for some fantastic scenes and character arc.  I also know from reading it that it is targeted for the right place - SSE or Romance are great choices for this type of story with Supers as a possibility.  What makes the difference?  How it is handled and the voice.  But Soraya knows the market and she has her word count right in there.

And her chapter made me cry.  When an author can take a turn of phrase and make it reach in and grab you, there is something special. 

I am really looking forward to working with Soraya on her story.  :-)

Happy Friday all.  On to desk-clearing.

14 comments:

  1. Hi Soraya,

    Awesome pitch and congratulations!!

    Donna is wonderful and you're going to learn so much. I feel like I don't want to let go of her. :-)

    Sri.

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  2. Sri:

    Mentor for a year.

    Friends for life. :-)

    Donna

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  3. Wow that's an awesome pitch, so much information in so few words! I'm in awe. Congratulations Soraya, it sounds like a great story.

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  4. Hazel1:18 PM

    Fantastic pitch, Soraya, and perceptive comments, Donna! I'm sure both of you will have a great year working on what sounds like a wonderful story. Hope I get to read it some day!

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  5. Great pitch Soraya! Have a great year with Donna! Caroline x

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  6. Anonymous3:20 PM

    Good luck, Soraya. I wish you all the best in your writing career. best, Cheryl Williams

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  7. All the pitches have been critiqued and sent back to the entrants!

    Phew!

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  8. Congratulations to the winner!

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  9. Lol, Sri!

    Amazing pitch, Soraya. If you're reading this, you so need to set up a blog so we can all follow your journey.

    Your story is one I would definitely pick up and read from a shelf.

    Huge congrats and best of luck for the year ahead :-)

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  11. Congrats Soraya :) Great pitch! I hope we get to see it in print someday soon.

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  13. Soraya, wonderful pitch and cant wait to read the chapter that made Donna cry. Get the book out soon :)

    All the best and have fun learning loads from Donna.

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  14. Anonymous3:41 PM

    Hi all! Thanks so much for your lovely comments, kind of scary having the pitch out there. Sri, let her go, she's mine!! I'm sure I'll feel the same at the end of my year with her :) Donna has already picked up things in my first chapter that I hadn't even noticed, and it has made the chapter much stronger.

    Soraya

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