Thursday, February 05, 2009

Pitch Number Two - Caroline Witt

Yesterday was a brill day in that I accomplished everything I had on my list. I love days like that. I critiqued five pitches, posted Chelle's here, wrote 2000 words on the new manuscript, finished the RITA book I was reading, and did my 30 min of exercise. I also knit as I was watching EMMA again. I haven't for a while and forgot how scrummy Jeremy Northam is in it.

So now we're on to the next finalist, Caroline Witt. Here's her pitch:


Hi Donna,

I am a frequent lurker on eharlequin’s subcare—and hope one day to have something out there to be “waiting on”.

Until that day, I’ve started entering contests to gage “where I’m at”.

So, please accept my entry into your Pitch Contest. Billionaire’s Baby is targeted at the Desire Line.


Tyler Benson is the last Benson in a long line that built Australia’s third largest financial services conglomerate. When a rival CEO falls pregnant with his child, family history tells him it’s no accident. But can he put aside a burning need for revenge to claim the heir he needs to continue his family line?

Already fighting a mysterious hostile takeover, Main Street CEO, Madison Morgan, learns that due to a fertility clinic blunder, the paternity of her child is in question. So, who’s the daddy? — Maddie’s deceased husband, or could reclusive billionaire, Tyler Benson, stake a claim to both her company and her child?

Regards,

Caroline Witt


A helpful bit of information is knowing where she's targeted this story. It SOUNDS like a Desire IMO, so that got my first nod. It's also to the point, with enough of the conflict to keep me interested. There are 2 levels of conflict which I like - the company side and the paternity side, and so I am confident there is enough conflict to carry the story. What family history? What hostile takeover? And a deceased husband? I want to know more. This pitch grabbed me.

Of course there is always a bit of caution and in this pitch it's the fertility clinic blunder. It can be done, but it needs to be done well for it to be plausible. So my advice to Caroline was to be sure that Tyler's motivation for using the sperm bank is solid. I got a feeling as I was reading that it is tied up with the heir part, but it really does have to work and not just be a coincidence.

I do want to mention too a big thank you to the finalists for giving me permission to put their pitches on the blog for all to see. :-)

Come back tomorrow to see the next one!

5 comments:

  1. Wow, you had a busy day yesterday, Donna. Good job on starting the new manuscript.

    Congratulations to all the pitch finalists!

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  2. Oh, I love Desire storylines! Good job, Caroline!

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  3. Anonymous7:24 PM

    Donna, Thanks for running this competition.

    Now I just hope that my first chapter lives up to this opportunity.

    Congrats to the other finalists. I'm sure I'll learn much reading your pitches and Donnas comments.

    Caroline

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  4. Donna, I'm in awe of your super productive day!
    Cool story, Caroline! I'm learning so much reading the winning pitches and Donna's comments.

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  5. Nikki Cole3:29 PM

    Caroline - another great pitch!

    Good luck,
    Nikki

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