Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The double-edged sword

I love being able to work from home. I get to work in whatever clothes I want, take a break whenever I want, there is no battling rush hour traffic...I get to be home with my kids when they are home. We have no babysitting costs. It is, in the scheme of things, a nearly perfect set up.

I love being a mom. I love spending time with my kids. I also love my job. However rarely do these two things work well actually together. So I feel divided much of the time.

In a perfect world, I have the windows open in my office and the girls get up, hatch a plan for some activities, and enjoy themselves. We have a huge yard they never had before. They bring me flowers or berries or come in to tell me something new they discovered.

Of course life is rarely perfect. My husband's new office doesn't exist yet, he's been working from home for over a month now, except when he's been traveling. The kids are still kids and fight and argue, need refereeing, reminding to do their chores, you name it. In the midst of all this I'm trying to write and let's just say it's NOT working well. There are, simply, so many distractions. My eight year old is struggling with a bike because truthfully, where we lived in the city she simply did not get enough practice to be confident. SO I'm typing and hearing sounds of "whoa whoa whoa" out the window.

I feel so guilty wishing school would go back in. I remember my childhood days and I'm sure my mum could tell all sorts of "Donna's I'm Bored" stories, but what I remember is going out bike riding, walking, picking flowers, shooting hoops, reading...I was much younger than my siblings so did a lot all alone. And they do grow up so fast and I don't want to miss a minute because once it is gone, it is gone.

On the other hand, a few hours of complete peace and quiet would go a long way towards concentrating on what is proving to be a very difficult story. In some ways it would almost be easier to take the 2 months off of writing, except a) I get very grouchy when I don't write and b) there are those deadlines to consider. Considering this year I already took over a month off due to our move, I can't afford to take any more time.

1 comment:

  1. You know I'm equally as torn as you are -- trying to get words down on screen while the Offspring hangs off one arm, and longing for school to start again -- and then feeling guilty that I'm not spending enough time with my own kid.

    Oy. No fun no matter which way you slice it. But just remember -- you're not alone in your struggle! LOL :)