Sometimes when things don't go my way, when it seems I've been at this forever, my husband will ask why I do this when it doesn't seem like I get anything out of it.
I usually reply with the standard, "but it makes me happy", "it's my creative outlet", yada yada yada. But yesterday I learned something else about myself that is good and a direct product of writing and more specifically of getting feedback.
I can be objective. I can be in situations where I do not take things personally. I am a better observer. I can focus on getting the job done without STUFF getting in the way.
This might seem a little strange after my post about self-doubt and all. But the lesson to remember from the self-doubt thing is that I always get to a point where I put in into perspective. It's NOT personal. And I have faith in both my cp's that they are trying to help me get published. What's important is that I learn.
Ok, this is all fine and good, but specifics would probably be good here.
In my PT job I have 4 coworkers. We had an incident involving one and the supervisor. Unfortunately both got emotional about it. We had a meeting yesterday and for the most part I sat back and watched, saying nothing (which is a miracle in itself since I ALWAYS have 2 cents to put in). And when my opinion was asked for, I tried to be fair and objective.
I'm also on a committee where something difficult is occuring. We're a small group and there is a real potential for things to get ugly. Did I let myself get embroiled in the politics and emotion of it? Nope. My comment was to consider this like a business. Everyone has a job to do. If someone isn't doing their job and it's threatening the entire committee's existence, then we need to fix it plain and simple. I have gained the ability to sit back, observe, and evaluate. To see all sides. To be practical. At the last meeting in December I felt like I had a bulls-eye painted on my head, but I knew where it was coming from and refused to engage. I am there to do a job. Not get caught up in personality issues.
This might not seem big to many of you, but those of you who have known me for a long time know what giant strides these are. It's a development I quite like in myself and I feel like I've actually grown up a bit.
And I believe it's all due to writing, getting countless rejections, getting feedback both good and bad. WHo would have thought it would have such a profound change?